Tuesday, June 30, 2009

You're too cute to even care

I took some really quintessentially summer pictures the other day with the family home.  I love my family.  Even when they annoy the piss out of me, I still love them.  We're all so different, yet so connected.  I am really lucky to have a family as close as mine.  I love all my siblings, they all love each other, we all get along.  This is pretty rare considering the vast differences in behaviors, beliefs, and of course, ages.  Anyway, back to the point.  Here is my summer joy(s).

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Hoy es un dia calor pero muchos dias fueron calor en la semana pasada.  Ayer, fue una fiesta de mi hermano y su novia.  Fue un luau y me veste un vestido de negro y blanco y fue muy bonita.  El noche pasada, mi otro hermano y yo fuimos al cine para ver Transformers.  El accion fue muy interesante pero muchos de los robotos fueron un poco queso-y.  Megan Fox fue muy bonito, pero su voz fue muy chicita y me gusta el bravada.  Un actriz nueva "Isabel somebody-or-other" no es muy bonita.  Michael Bay dice que ella es el Megan Fox nueva, pero no es una competicion.   Ella fue muy "sticklike."

Saturday, June 27, 2009

As he came in through the window was the sound of a crescendo

I am deeply saddened by the loss of one of the greatest performers of all time.  Put your politics aside and just embrace the awesomeness that is Michael Jackson.

I will now countdown my top 10 favorite MJ songs of all time.  

10.  Black or White- a wonderful message set to a catchy tune.  If you're thinking about being his baby, it don't matter if you're black or white.  A lesson in non-judgement for the ages.  The video features MJ walking through fire and guest appearances by Macaulay Culkin and Tyra Banks.  And that sweet rap at the end is just fantastic.  "I ain't scared of no brothers, I ain't scared of no sheets."

9.  Billie Jean- his biggest hit of course.  The video with the light up sidewalk is the epitome of coolness.  The story is of a girl approaching Michael claiming he is her baby daddy.  He denies it, naturally, but when baby cried, eyes looked like his.  Scandal.

8.  You rock my world- his attempt at R&B.  It's a very sexy song written about a capturing lady who rocks his world, obviously.  The video features Chris Tucker and Marlon Brando and of course a dance off.  He's a little crazy looking at this point, but I can always look past that.

7.  The way you make me feel- holy catchy tune.  This is Michael's attempt at telling a pretty lady with the high heels on about his insane attraction to her and why she should be his.  Full of witty metaphors and similes, it is a Shakespearian sonnet backed by a sweet drumbeat.  

6.  Dirty Diana- not much to be said about this classic.  Insanely awesome guitar backing though.  DIR-TEE DI-AH-NAH.  Fabulous and possibly the most instrumental of Mikey's songs.

5.  Beat it- of course.  A gang of street fighters/dancers coming after Michael, all the while him knowing he must show them that he's really not scared.  It is a badass hit filled with threats to the king of pop.  In the video, however, MJ ends up winning the dance off doesn't end up getting kicked and beat and told it's fair.  Also my favorite song from "Thriller 2008," even though it featured Fergie.

4.  PYT- an acronym for the ages.  This song addresses Michael's affection for a "pretty young thing" and his offers of love to her.  It's also got a super dancy beat and just all around fun to sing along to.

3.  Man in the mirror- the deepest MJ song written.  This tune hits my heart especially as it is a musical setting to my favorite Gandhi quote "You must be the change you wish to see in the Earth."  The video goes through all sorts of destruction from the rainforest to the KKK.  Overseas and in the USA.  Michael really knew what the deal was when he was starting with the man in the mirror and asking him to change his ways.

2.  Bad- obviously, Mikey's baddest song.  Bad as in AWESOME.  My favorite video.  Michael is part of a dancing chain gang, of course, and rocks a sweet long jerry curl.  The message: don't mess with me.  There's something very sexy about the confidence it takes to ask the whole world to answer right now, who's bad?  The answer:  Michael fricken Jackson.

1. [drumroll.........] Smooth Criminal.  Thus is the namesake of my title to this blog.  The story is a scary one- an intruder breaking into Annie's home and striking her.  Why?  Just because he's a smooth criminal.  I cannot do the song justice so I'm just going to post the lyrics.  P.S.  Even Alien Ant Farm can rock this shit out.
As He Came Into The Window 
It Was The Sound Of A Crescendo 
He Came Into Her Apartment 
He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet 
She Ran Underneath The Table 
He Could See She Was Unable 
So She Ran Into The Bedroom 
She Was Struck Down, It Was Her Doom 

Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK 
Are You OK, Annie 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK 
Are You OK, Annie 
Annie Are You OK? So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK, Annie? 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You Ok, Are You Ok, Annie? 

(Annie Are You OK?) 
(Will You Tell Us That You're OK?) 
(There's A Sign In The Window) 
(That He Struck You - A Crescendo Annie) 
(He Came Into Your Apartment) 
(He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet) 
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom) 
(You Were Struck Down) 
(It Was Your Doom) 

Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK Annie? 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK Annie? 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK Annie? 
You've Been Hit By 
You've Been Hit By -v A Smooth Criminal 

So They Came Into The Outway 
It Was Sunday - What A Black Day 
Mouth To Mouth Resus - Citation 
Sounding Heartbeats - Intimidations 

Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK Annie? 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK Annie? 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK? 
Are You OK Annie? 
Annie Are You OK? 
So, Annie Are You OK 
Are You OK Annie? 

(Annie Are You OK?) 
(Will You Tell Us That You're OK?) 
(There's A Sign In The Window) 
(That He Struck You - A Crescendo Annie) 
(He Came Into Your Apartment) 
(He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet) 
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom) 
(You Were Struck Down) 
(It Was Your Doom) 

(Annie Are You OK?) 
(So, Annie Are You OK?) 
(Are You OK Annie?) 
(You've Been Hit By) 
(You've Been Struck By - 
A Smooth Criminal) 

Okay, I Want Everybody To Clear The Area Right Now! 

(Annie Are You OK?) 
I Don't Know! 
(Will You Tell Us, That You're OK?) 
I Don't Know! 
(There's A Sign In The Window) 
I Don't Know! 
(That He Struck You - A Crescendo Annie) 
I Don't Know! 
(He Came Into Your Apartment) 
I Don't Know! 
(Left Bloodstains On The Carpet) 
I Don't Know Why Baby! 
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom) 
I Don't Know! 
(You Were Struck Down) 
(It Was Your Doom - Annie!) 
(Annie Are You OK?) 
Dad Gone It - Baby! 
(Will You Tell Us, That You're OK?) 
Dad Gone It - Baby! 
(There's A Sign In The Window) 
Dad Gone It - Baby! 
(That He Struck You - A Crescendo Annie) 
Hoo! Hoo! 
(He Came Into Your Apartment) 
Dad Gone It! 
(Left Bloodstains On The Carpet) 
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! 
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom) 
Dad Gone It! 
(You Were Struck Down) 
(It Was Your Doom-Annie!) 

Bless the man who brought me this splendid joy for so long.  I love you Mikey. 

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I know more of the stars and sea than I do of what's in your head

I love Richard Branson.  I've known this for a while but was reminded of it once again.

As you may know, he owns "Virgin" company, including Virgin airways, Virgin records, and Virgin megastores, grossing him a net worth of around two and a half billion dollars.  He often appears of the Forbes Richest list, last year being number 236.

Twenty years ago, he helped form a collaborative peacemaking group called "The Elders" in South Africa, after post-apartheid unrest.  They now discuss peaceful solutions regarding global issues.

More recently, he set up a challenge where he is asking someone to find a way to extract carbon dioxide from the atmosphere with a reward of some enormous sum of money from Branson, personally.  This is not the first environmentalist-friendly challenge Branson has set up.

The thing that I really appreciate is this "Virgin FreeFest" taking place in Maryland at the end of August.  It is a concert completely free to anyone with almost 40,000 tickets available.  Instead of VIP lounges, the special lounges are reserved for anyone who got laid off this year, or anyone who has devoted significant time to community service this year.  The acts are huge like Franz Ferdinand and Weezer.  

Richard Branson is someone else that makes me smile for humanity.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I had my rock, I had my roll, but I couldn't find my spark

For another eventful afternoon at Sentry liquor, I decided to flip through a magazine another employee had left there.  I usually enjoy magazines, but end up feeling guilty for the hour of trash time I spend reading it when I could get back to the Awakening.  This was People's hottest bachelors so it didn't seem so bad.

Though I did enjoy its main attraction, there was a story in there that was a little more touching to me.  I came across an article about an organization called "Church under the Bridge" out of a variety of cities across Texas.  The place of worship is, as the title would indicate, a simple stage surrounded by fold-up chairs underneath a bridge in poorer areas of urbanized ci

It was first developed in 1992, in Waco, under I-35 with a congregation of nearly 300 people.  People.  People not often considered people.  Homeless, drug addicts, and prostitutes make up the majority of the congregation.  It runs on private donations and the time and effort of pastor Jimmy Dorrell and college-age volunteers.  The church serves hot meals to the hungry every Sunday after worship.

Say what you will about the politics of religion.  I'm not concerned at this moment about the beliefs of this church or the problems caused.  I think this is pretty damn awesome.  Most people turn their noses up at "low-lifes" like homeless people.  Most people judge 
drug addicts and alcoholics.  Most church-goers are deeply disturbed by the amoral behavior of prostitutes.  This man serves them.  

Hell if that's not the way humanity is supposed to be.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Hoy, fui a la playa con mis amigas.  Fue muy divertida y tuve mucho calor.  Fumimos cigarillos de uvas.  Despues la playa, fuimos a "El Mariachi" un restaurante Mexicana.  Comi dos tamales pero ellos tuven carne y no como carne :(  Como pollo, pero no bistec.  Fueron bueno, pero estuve enferma despues comi.

Oh and I think I lied in the before post.  I'm probably fairly legit sometimes to judge based on opinion.  That's not really a judgement is it?

I just said "fairly legit."  Can you guess who I am?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The spotlight is on

I do not enjoy racism. Someone I consider a very close friend hates African Americans. This person was pulled over and ticketed the other day by an African American. I understand he/she is frustrated, but I highly doubt that if the officer's skin was lighter he would've said "Oh yeah, its okay if he/she doesn't drive abiding by the law."

This is a real shame because I tend to focus too much on poor traits and will now have trouble looking past these racist statements and still enjoying the company of this person. This is, in itself a bit of a judgement. Oh, bother.

Here is something else I am upset about: The Miss California controversy. In case you're out of the loop, at the pageant, Perez Hilton asked her how she felt about gay marriage.

This is an opinion question. She stated that she grew up in a traditional family and believed marriage is for one man and one woman. An honest answer.

The girl has been fired for causing "controversy." So, what was the question then? "Repeat after me, 'gays should marry.'"?

She was asked for her opinion, she gave it. I'm defending her and I don't even agree with her! People are allowed to have differing opinions. It's part of being diverse just as homosexuals and those who support their rights is.

Is it because the question was asked by a homosexual?

Personally, I just don't really understand judgement based on race, sexuality, OR opinion.

Actually, that's probably I lie.  I often unintentionally say "what a douchebag" when near a Republican.  I am a hypocrite.


Una persona que esta en mi grupo del viaje dice que ella solo sabe "cerveza" en espanol. Estoy un mejor habladora de ella. Es bueno.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


Cuando pienso de mis peliculas favoiritas, no mucho recuerdo Tsotsi.  Es una buena pelicula sobre un joven en Africa del Sur.  El es un miembro de un grupo violento y es pobre.  El roba un auto y en el es un bebe.  El no sabe que carinar por el bebe y el pedi por ayuda de una mujer el conoce.  En el fin, la policia arestan Tsotsi pero es muy triste porque el es un hombre simpatico.  Me gustaria la pelicula mucho.

This sounds like baby talk.  How sad.

the countdown starts...4...3...2...1

So this is per request. Please keep in mind I have so much editing to do. I'm letting the first page (of twenty seven) leak though. Sorry, it is rather cheesy at the moment. It'll get better...I hope

Margot breathed softly as she slid the cool key into the ignition. The dashboard clock illuminated the car, making her squint severely. 11:03 p.m. it read. She placed one hand on the back of the passenger seat and took one last glance around the cramped backseat of her tiny two-door. A paper bag filled with snacks sat on one seat adjacent to a faded, pink adidas bag stuffed with clothes. On the passenger seat were the sheets of paper, still warm, printed with varied maps and instructions from a multitude of internet navigational sites.
She pulled her phone out of the pocket of her worn-out sweater. It was cold, its plastic absorbing the temperature of the night air, as she turned the key all the way forward and felt the engine rumble, shaking her seat, while simultaneously pressing the five on her speed-dial. Thirty seconds, no answer. She wasn't disappointed; she had expected, maybe even preferred it this way.
Beeeep. "Hey baby, it's Mar. Work looks like it's gonna be pretty busy so I probably won't get off tonight. I already called Lex and he's gonna drop Jo off at school tomorrow so," she looked around as she paused, thinking of what to say next. "So, I'll call you sometime tomorrow night and talk about rescheduling. I love you."
She pressed the end button and set her phone in her lap. She shifted into reverse as a few strands of her dark hair fluttered into her eyes. It was not until Margot was at the end of her road that she remembered the task she had forgotten to take care of earlier.
"Shit," she breathed to herself, scavenging her lap and seat for her phone. She dialed another number while reaching over to turn the heat up.
"North Atlanta County General Hospital, can I help you?" an unenthusiastic southern drawl answered.
"This is Margot Rush, I'm calling in to say I'm taking a personal day tomorrow. I'm scheduled from six to four for walk-ins."
"Alright, I'll document it. Thank you."
The line was dead before Margot could reply. She sighed as she thought about the flak she'd receive from the others upon return to the hospital on Wednesday.
Oh well, I'm not going to turn back she said to herself. The ride as she left town was smooth. None of the stoplights had been red and traffic was light this late at night. Margot reached over to pick up one of the papers. Twelve hours and seventeen minutes, the bottom read. The evening was to be boring, seemingly endless, but the nervousness in Margot's stomach now wasn't from the thought of the drive. It was from the thought of the destination.
She breathed deeply and stared straight ahead onto the dark road through her deep, oceanic blue eyes. The blue was thoughtful and so dark that a passerby would never be able to distinguish the color from a muddy black. Margot had a simple beauty. Her skin was bright ivory and clear. It glowed in the moonlight. Her hair was dark and hung down to the middle of her back with soft curls at the bottom and wispy baby bangs circling her jaw. Her face was long, with thin lips and deep set eyes behind strong, dark brows. She was thin, with a short torso and lanky legs. Margot had never been much of an object of desire, tending to be more of an introverted tomboy when she was young. She took time to grow into her looks, though, and this made her wise regarding the charm she now possessed.
She was fidgety and desperately scanned her interior for a distraction. Finding nothing, she reached out a thin finger for the radio dial. Full-volume static came on. She made a sour face and quickly turned the volume down, consoling her ear. She flicked the switch, searching for something palatable.
She blew quickly past the girly pop and heavy rap stations and settled on something a little more classic.
Her eyes closed briefly as she started onto the quiet highway filled with tiny bright lights and listened to the music from her speakers.

Under the boardwalk
Down by the sea, yeah
On a blanket with my baby
Is where I'll be

The next part is what goes into the memory of the summer house which I posted the beginning of in a blog a while ago. I'll post it again when it is edited.

And my next book is about Russian whores.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Estoy cansada hoy.  No quiero ir a mi trabajo en la manana.  Pero despues eso, no trabajo por dos dias y mi yerna y mis sobrinos van a venir a mi casa por una semana!  Quiero que pasar tiempo con mi hermano pero el no vine este fin de semana.  Cuando el vine, es posible que vieran al cine para ver Transformers.  Estoy enojada por que no recuerdo espanol mucho.  Voy a estar nerviosa cuando tengo ir a mi vacaccion. 

do you honestly expect me to believe it could ever be the same?

Today I started painting a picture of Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Monroe is one of my favorite people of all time. I have considered naming a child Monroe...if I ever have the opportunity to name a child.

I decided I should start a celebrity of the day blog since these are rather shallow when I focus on a person, but I won't do it too often. And this one has a little more substance.
I can't tell you exactly why I love Marilyn Monroe. There is, of course, something classically beautiful about her. She's like the pinup to end all pinups. She's cute and gorgeous and sexy all at the same time. She's meaty. She's timeless. She's something you see very rarely anymore.

She also had a mouth and knew how to use it. At a time when women were supposed to be perfect housewives who stayed home and lived lives of quiet desperation, she fought back. She talked about sex and men and equality. She wasn't afraid to expose her sexuality and the sexuality of all women.

But she was also deeply troubled. I think this is the most significant reason why I love her. Her story is tragedy concealed with a sensual smile. She was forced to marry young. Her husband was the first person to expose her in sexual photos to his buddies and from there, she took off with a career. Her professional life was riddled with self loathing, drug use, and abuse by a multitude of people she relied on.

Yet, this isn't what she showed anyone until she died. She put on a happy face. She made a career out of smiling when she didn't really feel like it. This is the epitome of tragedy to me.

"A sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing."

I think I will play her in her biopic.  I'm painting that beach picture by the way.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Hoy tambien

Decidio que necesito practicar espanol mucho por mi vacaccion de la republica dominica. Es bueno practique espanol en mis bloges. No tengo una idea para escribir anoche, pero manana si. Lo siento por no tengo las accentos para las palabras.

Ooo baby, I'm a fool for you

Do you ever scream as loud as you can in a room full of people and nobody even looks up from what they're doing?
I do this all the time.

Yeah, this is the typical teenage "nobody understands me" whine that I'm so sick of, I literally want to vomit on myself for this statement. It is so frustrating to be trapped somewhere where nobody understands the words you say or what you want or your dreams. Nobody is sensitive to dreams after you reach a certain age. I could go back to high school.
Why do people do these things? When you're young they smile and laugh and agree with all these big plans you have for yourself and these crazy ideas you have the audacity to believe you can do.

As soon as you reach the age where you live away from home, however, these people turn on you. Reality bites. But it's not just that. People force reality onto you. I would still believe in all these crazy plans.
Being out in the pseudo-real world hasn't altered my dreams. Not even when I have to spend all my money on them. Others have altered them.

People give you ultimatums, make you feel guilty, laugh at you. What the hell am I supposed to do? Keep dreaming? Keep in mind these will always just be dreams? Or do the things I feel is what I'm supposed to do?

I'm screaming and nobody is looking. It wouldn't make a difference if they were, they don't understand anyway.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I'm doing cartwheels

I hate fighting. I hate feeling trapped in fights that you accidentally started. The worst thing a person can do when fighting is ignore the other. I must keep this in mind as I tend to be a softie when fighting. I end up saying, "fine, you win, you're right, forget it." This sucks, but, as said before, I hate fighting.

I made an impolite joke and got hung up on tonight, and am now being ignored. It really, really pisses me off which is, I'm sure, the intention.

Fighting is ugly. People you care about strategize to piss you off. You return the favor. I'm so sick of fighting and being stuck in a permanent state of fight, but being too soft to abort the mission.

I'm too upset to write tonight.  My eyes are puffy.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Like a tree down by the water, baby, I will not move

even after aaaalllllllllll those sill-eh things you do-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Sorry, I really like the song Flake. I love Jack Johnson. I love Ben Harper a little more. Combo = AAAH-mazing.

Today, I read too many articles about Megan Fox and am still undecided about whether I really believe her or not. In EW she was talking about how she knew she wasn't a good actress. That's good. At least she knows that.

She often talks about how she gets along much better with guys and how she's so smart, blah blah blah. I once heard that girls who claim to be "one of the guys" are really just bitches. Very often, I think that's true, though I have felt that way countless times over the past year. I can't decide if Megan Fox is a bitch. She's kind of pretentious. She's good at making excuses about not being pretentious though. And I do think she is extremely attractive, though a little tooth-picky.

I love tattoos I think.  Megan Fox's tattoos are really dumb (minus the Marilyn one, I would get that), but mine will be cool.

This week, I'll write some deep posts. But I have to work at 6 a.m. tomorrow and was just emasculated so not tonight.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

some call me the gangster of love

Kate Gosselin gets a lot of flak. My favorite: "what's with that hair? She's got that asymmetrical thing I don't approve of, it's like are you straight or are you a lesbian? Make a decision" -Chelsea Handler.
Anyway, I think a lot of judgements about her are really unfair and I'm upset nobody else recognizes this. EVERYONE shits on her for "never giving him room to breath" and "treating him like a child."I will not argue that she is dominant. I do, however, think being dominant in a relationship is different than being controlling. If Jon had her role in the relationship or the interviews, I don't think anyone would notice anything. Why is male dominance still the "norm" and those who break away from it bitches? I don't know about you, but I feel like it's been a while since that whole "women's rights" thing came about. Sure, we're still fighting a couple Sarah Palins off, but haven't we come farther than snap judgements about wives who take charge?Frankly, the whole Jon and Kate thing doesn't really interest me. I used to watch the show sometimes when it was on and my mom wanted to, but that wasn't something I shouted off the rooftops. People get divorced. Is this really all that interesting?

Scandal aside, let's back the shit off of Kate. And any dominant woman who may just happen to have stepped up for herself.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

These streets have too many names for me

I was thinking about what I should write about a while ago as my dad and I whizzed down the highway with the hood down in the mini, slightly embarrassed from my dad accidentally blasting "carry on my wayward son" at a stoplight.

Anyway, I feel as if this will be a bit of a stream of consciousness blog. To be quite honest, I have never understood nor enjoyed stream of consciousness writing. A writer is supposed to put effort into their words. If I wanted to hear some jackass mumbling to themselves, I wouldn't need to leave my own brain, thanks very much.

Anyway, it was a touch chilly out for riding "topless" but I didn't say anything because a.) we have heated seats which feel splendid on the bum and b.) it kind of felt nice. It has been forever since cold felt nice. I needed to soak it in. I lost my hair tie so by the time we reached the garage I looked a bit like Diana Ross borrowing some of Whitney's crack (which is whack, and cheap).

I read "Are you there Vodka, it's me Chelsea" today and I must say I am thoroughly impressed. I have forever loved Chelsea Handler but I had not expected her to be the terrific writer she is. I wish I could write humorously like she does or like writers in the Onion do.

I also believe I may have a flaming crush on Peter from the chronicles of Narnia but I think I knew that before. Leo still wins.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I don't know how it gets better than this grab my hand pull me head first, fearless

Yesterday, I was the unsung hero of Wisconsin nature.

As I was tootling down the road on my journey to visit my new nephew in madison, I noticed something strange lying on the trail in front of me. It looked like a tiny badger that was frozen in stance. The car in front of me accidentally hit it with its undercarriage and I heard a very loud crack of the solid object.
"Turtle!" I screamed. I am lame and emotional and thus, tears welled up in my eyes as I pulled over. The highway was fairly empty so I walked across, half squinting in case the sight would be gruesome. It wasn't bad, but the poor little guy's shell was cracked. I picked him up and put him on the grass at the side of the road where the pond was. I told him not to try crossing the road anymore and walked away, imagining he would be okay.

Later, as I drove home from the nephew visit, I saw a baby deer just ahead of me, in the middle of the road, deciding which way it wanted to go.
"Ah!" I said aloud (I am also a bit psychotic). I stopped and waited a good thirty seconds, backing up traffic behind me until the cutest little thing I've ever seen made it across the road. In the grass I saw a mommy deer and a sibling deer waiting for it and I felt very good inside. I love deer.

EVEN later, as I journeyed back from a quick shopping jaunt, I saw through the dark a giant flock of geese crossing the road. I flashed my lights to the car coming from the opposite direction and we waited while most geese made it across and a few old guys changed their minds and went back to the side they had come from.

Mother nature, you are welcome.

I think of animals like babies. When animals die in movies, I tend to be much more disturbed than human deaths. I do not mean any harm or to downplay the event at all, but the saddest image of Hurricane Katrina that I saw was a doggy stranded atop a roof, left behind after its owners understandably didn't have room in their car. Like I said, I think of animals as babies, they're poor little helpless creatures and I am here to take care of them.  

Silly heart strings.

Monday, June 8, 2009

This is a continuum to my last...

This titanic thing has gone way too far. I'm like, seriously questioning my life and existence. I am fucking ridiculous.

than to lie to one as beautiful as you

Last night there was nothing on TV as it was a summer sunday evening. But I managed to flip to stations at just the right time. I caught the entirety of Titanic and Legends of the Fall and it really wasn't too big a waste of seven hours. Holy shit, seven hours?

Anyway, both are, of course, these epic love stories filled with excitement and adventure and of course a little Leo or Brad dirty scene isn't too tough to watch either.
I really need to learn not to watch these. They make me sad. I suppose its kind of good I'll never get a love story like this, but I truly get depressed for like three days thinking about the fact that my lover will never sweep me off of my feet and sacrifice his floating door for me so I don't freeze to death. He won't avenge my death by taking scalps of county politicians then have to run off to the woods to live the rest of his life. I won't wake up to find he's poisoned himself because he can't live without me.

Oh, bollox.
I kind of want a dramatic and timeless love like that, though it doesn't often end well.

I'm also fairly certain I'm in love again with Leo.

Friday, June 5, 2009

how does it feel? to be without a home, a complete unknown, like a rolling stone

I finished my payment deal for my trip this summer.

I'm going to the Dominican Republic for two weeks to volunteer in a school and also either building a home or doing some trail management and ecology teaching there. I'm extremely thrilled, but for some reason or another my parents are not.

Volunteering is my calling. Saving the world piece by piece is my aim. Why is it hard for parents to understand their child's calling?

I think in this case, it's the fact that this is MY dream. This is a dream separate from theirs. It seems weird because I feel like my sister once had this dream and I can't seem to remember them disapproving. Then again, she is the golden child.

I will not go into my severe case of not good enough syndrome because I think everyone's just crabby at me because the economy isn't the type that you want to spend money to teach kids to read without pay in.

I'll keep telling myself that.

well I tried to make it sunday, but i got so damn depressed

My sister is supposed to go in today to get induced and birth my fourth niece/nephew. I love my nieces and nephews and think that this relationship is pretty much the awesomest in the world.

When my first nephew was born, I was extremely surprised. My brother and his now wife were then unmarried and me being a seventh grader straight out of jesus camp, I was naive and shocked my brother would be having sex. Needless to say, I was rather dense.

Anyway, I'm so happy I have that nephew. Charlie is my very best friend ever. I get to play with him and spend time with him without really being responsible for him or having to take him when he is naughty. He's also extremely cute. When he first started talking, he was hilarious. I remember him giving his dinosaur a time-out once for hitting. ("Get in the corner, T-rex! And don't come out 'till you say sorry!")

My sister's son and my brother's second child were born at the same time, three years later. I'm close to Rowan because he now lives so near me. I get him if my sister and her husband kick the bucket. My brother's girl, Lucy, was very, very slow to warm up to me. Apparently she's funny now so I can't wait to see her.

The point of this entry is to express my love for having these kids around me. Another purpose it serves is to allow me the pleasure of being around kids as they grow without having to have my own. My mother scoffs when I say I don't really want kids. I don't even know; maybe I do. I used to . But its not all I'm made for so it's going to be a LONG time before I give birth. Sorry, mother, but the times they are a'changin.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

to state the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy

I found out yesterday that I really like Taylor Swift. Note this, as it is something I never thought I would ever say.

She's not a great singer. She's not a great writer. And there's something about her as a person I cannot bring myself to love. But here's the thing: she's real. Her songs aren't way too grown up for her, they're not complex, and they're not meaningless. She's 19. She writes like a 19 year old; maybe even younger.

For me, her songs are like a guilty pleasure. Like when you feel like being a whiney and vindictive girl. She says things that I'd probably never say out loud, but would definitely think.

I'm also quite a bit jealous of this Taylor Swift character. She gets to design the sets and movements of her concerts. She designed her tour bus. That sounds like heaven for me. I like to design and organize. Lucky bitch.

So excuse me for my country fix. I just find her refreshing.

Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday
When I caught your eye
We caught onto something
I hold onto the night
You looked me in the eye
And told me you loved me

Were you just kidding?

Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened
Please tell me cause one second it was perfect
Now you're halfway out the door

And I stare, at the phone
He still, hasn't called
And then you feel so low you can't feel, nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always

Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest?
Made you run and hide like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute
Now I'm not so sure

So heres to everything
Coming down to nothing
Heres to silence
That cuts me to the core
Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore

And I stare, at the phone
He still, hasn't called
And then you feel so low you can't feel, nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always

Didn't mean it baby?
I don't think so


Back up, baby back up
Did you forget everything?
Back up, baby back up
Did you forget everything?

Monday, June 1, 2009

but it's just your one-sided feelings that keep getting in the way

Today, my mother informed me that complaints have been made about a nearby town's library book section called "over the rainbow." This is a collection of readings that deal with material important to the homosexual culture or centered around a plotline involving homosexuals.

So, at the center of the anti-gay feelings is the fact that it goes against religious morals, yes? If it is unacceptable to have books about homosexuality, is it then unacceptable to have books centered around Islam, Judaism, Atheism, Hindu? Or, do all books need to adhere to religious laws of all of these practices? Good luck women, minorities, and Christians. And Muslims. And Hindus. And everyone. You all violate each other's laws.

If you don't want your kid reading books that have homos in them, accompany them to the library and monitor what they're checking out. Little hint, though: you're not doing them any favors. By refusing to expose kids to homosexuals, you are teaching them that this is wrong and those believing otherwise should be judged.

Going off of this whole thing, I'm angered over the prop 8 issue. Someday, hopefully, we'll look back on this whole issue and it'll be a little like civil rights. I'm not comparing the two, I realize that homosexuals have the right to vote and use the same bubbler and go to school, etc. but it is still deprevation of rights.

I hate the Bible argument. The chapter of Leviticus that states that a man should not sleep with another man also condones many other things. Clipping the hair from your beard or the side of your face, for instance. Having sight problems. Turning your back to the front of the church. How's about we take a right away from all these Leviticus-condemned crimes. Don't have 20/20 vision? No election vote. Trimmed your beard? No pleading the fifth for you.

This is sad that we're supposed to be so advanced but still have such a puritanical mindset. Not even really puritanical I guess...outdated?