Saturday, July 4, 2009

throw down your arms, give up the fight

Today is what we like to call "Independence day" so I thought in celebration, I would give a few thoughts on independence.  Not really general thoughts, more like thoughts on my own independence.

I can't decide whether I am independent or not.  Financially, I'm obviously not.  I do not pay my cell phone bill.  I do not pay for my tuition, though my parents don't pay for that yet, either.  I don't buy our groceries or vacations.  Things I do pay for:  my volunteer trip.  clothes.  trips to chicago.  things i "want."

I am shy.  This hinders independence.  I get nervous and don't like to do things on my own.  I will often ask "will you come in with me" or sometimes the occasional "can you just ask for me."  That is in reference to some kind of customer service, mind you, not sixth grade boyfriends.

Part of me has always been independent though.  My parents had kids in 1976, 1978, and 1981.  Oh yeah, then 1990.  By the time I came along, I think they were too tired to really raise another one.  I am not at all complaining, or saying my parents are bad parents.  I love my mommy a lot and I'm sure if I knew my dad better, I would love him a lot too.  I do love him, just not the same way as my mom.  Anyway, I've never had a curfew or been grounded.  They already had chosen their favorites before I got here.

Independence is supposed to change a lot when you first go to college.  I guess it kind of did.  Now it just feels like I was at a really long summer camp last year, though.  

I want to one day live in another country for an extended amount of time.  I want to study abroad.  In Cairo.  My parents have kaphoshed that.  Can't wait to see their reaction when I tell them I'm off to live in Afghanistan.  I hope one day to be independent enough to accomplish my dreams.  It'll be a real damn disappointment if I'm not.

Happy independence day!

1 comment:

  1. i felt exactly the same about college. one looongg ass summer camp trip. next year, we take another step towards real independence. but what is independence anyways? we always need a little help.